A lot of people come to therapy expecting someone to sit across from them, work out what's gone wrong, and tell them how to put it right.
I understand why, it's what we see on TV.
Most of us have spent years trying to fix ourselves before we ever get to therapy. But you're not broken, and I don't really see my job as fixing anyone. To me, therapy isn't about quick fixes, being judged, analysed, or being told what to do. It's more than that.
The easiest way I know to explain what I do is to describe it like a woodland.
The woodland we each grow
I see everyone's journey as entirely different. I've always had a picture in my mind that when we're born into the world, we grow this woodland around us. Everyone's woodland is unique to them. It gets shaped through our experiences, and it grows over time.
The paths we get used to walking
We get used to walking certain paths. We get used to handling situations and expecting people to react in certain ways, so they become paths that we walk in life and are very familiar with.
They're there to be supportive and help us “cope” with life.
But sometimes, as we move through life, those paths might not be the most effective anymore. They might not be the most useful paths for us in different circumstances, as life moves on.
It can be really difficult to steer onto another path when the one you're so used to walking isn't best serving you.
What I actually do in the woodland
So I always see my job as a therapist as coming to walk alongside people. That's really what I do, I walk through that woodland with you.
And I might be the annoying sidekick who's like, "Oh, look, what's over there?"
What we're trying to do is see, very gently, that the path is still there and you can go back to it at any time. But is there something that is more effective for you at the moment? And how can I help you walk something new?
That's difficult at times, because when life gets difficult, we get drawn into those old paths very easily. But actually, just having someone walk alongside you can help you to feel safe.
My approach is mainly cognitive analytic therapy, or CAT. It's an overarching theme, and it's a much more relational approach. With CAT, it's all about the human relationship, both with ourselves and with others
I can walk alongside, see something blocking the path and think, okay, how can I help support you to shift over to the left or right when we're walking through this area?
You don't have to clear the whole woodland in one go
The important thing to think about with that woodland is that we don't have to get overwhelmed by clearing the whole thing in one go. A whole woodland is your whole life.
So it might be that there's a little corner of that woodland around work or family that's been a little bit problematic for you. I might come along and think, okay, how can we clear this little area?
For some people that corner is anxiety, trauma or grief. For others it's burnout, pressure in a relationship or around parenting, or a pattern that just keeps repeating.
You don't have to clear the whole woodland in one go and you don't have to do it on your own.
I know what it's like to feel alone in it, and I know how powerful it is to feel accompanied instead.
Walking alongside isn't the same as telling you what you want to hear
Therapy isn't about telling you what you want to hear or keeping you comfortable at all costs. It's a professional relationship built on trust, honesty, and ethics. Sometimes sessions feel clarifying and sometimes they can feel slightly uncomfortable.
A therapist isn't there to please you, they're there to help you understand yourself and develop healthier patterns. To stay lit while you find your way through, like a lighthouse. Therapy isn't like customer service, it's much more useful than that.
If the woodland is where the patterns live, the lighthouse is how I try to show up while we walk through it.
A lighthouse doesn't move the rocks for you. It doesn't calm the storm or promise the sea will be still. It just makes sure you can see where you're going, make sense of the path, and show you that you don't have to find your way alone.
What shapes how I actually sit with people goes beyond qualifications. I don't think it's training alone, though the training matters. I think it's also what happens when you've been dashed against the rocks yourself. There have been a lot of those moments in my own life.
The rocks don't feel as heavy when there's someone carrying the weight with you.
If you'd like someone to walk it with you
You're welcome to book a quick call
Or you can follow the links for more information on how I work or what to expect in therapy
You don't have to know where you're going... we walk the path together